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Miss Celie’s Hoodoo: Return to Sender

“The words we use, use us”

Unknown

The Color Purple is my favorite movie of all time. There are so many scenes that resonate with me, but the one that touches me the most was the Easter dinner scene when Celie gave Mister more than just a piece of her mind! Whew! Sends chills down my spine. Finding all those letters and realizing that not only is her sister alive but her children are with her sister lit a fire in her heart. Ahh, just thinking of it makes me smile. All those years of experiencing the deep and profound loss of all she loved, now gone! Hope and joy now creeping into every crevice where pain and heartache once was.

“Something that is loved, is never lost”

Toni Morrison

Well, Mister being Mister wasn’t having none of that. He went to hit her, and Celie threw those three fingers up and he stopped mid swing. She told him, “𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘫𝘢𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘱𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘨𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘳𝘰𝘵 𝘪𝘯…𝘜𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘭 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘣𝘺 𝘮𝘦, 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘢𝘪𝘭” Then she ended it by saying, “𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦, 𝘢𝘭𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘺 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶”.

“It’s not the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it”

Lena Horne

What she did was a spell called “Return to Sender”. She also hastened the karma that was already coming his way. Mister thought he was invincible. He thought he could do whatever to Celie with ZERO consequences. If you’ve seen the movie, you know Mister’s life quickly fell apart. Until he went and made it possible for her sister and children to return, he would continue to suffer. (“Until you do right by me, everything you even think about gon fail”).

Y’all better watch who ya knowingly mistreat, lie on, manipulate, sabotage, plot on, and disparage. You must watch who you bring hurt and harm to. Because the person on the other end might throw a Miss Celie root on ya and reverse and return that same energy you’re sending out right back to you. See, the irony is, the jail you planned for others will become your home. It’s not even a form of revenge. Because it’s your OWN energy (everything you done to me, already done to you) coming right back to you.  Miss Celie not only took her power back, but she returned to Mister the hatred, resentment, and envy he directed toward her back to him. We all have the power to do the same. As a traditional Hoodoo Root worker, return to sender is a staple ritual for me. At least once a month I gather all the negative energy, resentment, jealousy, envy, and hate sent to me by others and I return it right back to its sender. So generous right? Most times, Spirit will reveal who these people are to me. And I just shake my head, almost in pity for them. Please don’t bring no clouds round my way, because I will make it rain.

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In Honor of the Slave Mother

“A mother holds a knife by the blade”

Tswana Proverb

I’ve been here many times before. I keep coming back because there is a lot of unfinished business. There is much karma to transcend and wrongs that must be made right. Some of them are mine, but most have nothing to do with me. Still, it is my duty to make them right. I owe it to myself, but more importantly, I owe it to them. My children. The precious souls that have chosen me as their mother. I often wonder why they chose me. Why choose a mother who is a slave. Why choose a mother who will give birth to more pain than joy. Despite my many flaws and no matter what oppression we were born into, whether it was the backwoods of Alabama or the low country region of the Geechee, whatever child I birthed, I loved to no end. I didn’t care who the father was either. Whether it was Massa’s or my husband. My child was MY child. My devotion to them is steadfast, and I will protect what is mine even if it cost me my life. And it has cost me my life before.  And I’d do it again. They know that. My children know my heart. And that’s why they was MINE. The only thing stronger than my love for my children was my hate for the massa. They say you ain’t supposed to hate, but most days my hate was the only thing that kept me alive.

I couldn’t love them with all of me; working them fields and then in the Massa’s house. But what was left, I gave it all to them. I can’t think of where else it could go. I loved my babies with all I had and all I didn’t have. How I did it, only God and my mama, and her mama, and all the mamas before them know. When a child is born, something is also born in the mama. I learned that with my first child. A girl. I couldn’t love nothing in the world more than her. I had her bout 4 years and then they sold her. She on that wagon screaming “Mama” and I bout lost it. Took 3 men to hold me down. I would have tore that wagon to pieces to get my baby. I never was the same after that. I had four more children after that. Two of them sold too. After my girl, they sold two of my boys. They tried to run. They was caught. I seen the fire in they spirit. I never would try to stop it. I was proud of em. They whipped em them sold them as punishment. Massa said didn’t make no sense to kill em, make some money off em instead. I wonder if they would still be here if I had taught them different. If I put the thoughts of freedom out they head. I can’t help but think it is my fault.

After they sold my three boys, all I had was my last one. A boy too. He was born a little sickly. I wasn’t as strong as I was. My body was, but my heart was so full of pain, I guess he carried that with him. He was never gonna be fit to work the fields and I couldn’t bear the thought of my last child being sold or killed by Massa. So I figure we try to run. I wasn’t able to save none of my children. But maybe this one I could save. My mind was made. Run. I had to be smart about it. Plan it really good and talk to the others about how to get to freedom. But before we could leave, my last child, died in my arms. Yellow fever they say. 

Wasn’t nothing left to live for after that. Not even freedom. But I run anyway cause I can’t stay.  All my babies gone. Gone. Ain’t never gon see them again, cept in the land of the ancestors. After we all dead. So what is freedom here? I wonder bout my other children. How they faring in this world. Did I give em enough to carry them through this lifetime. I ran. Don’t know what I was running to or from. I just ran. It was bout a month before I was caught. Massa tied me to the post hisself. Gave me those fifty lashes with everyone watching. I didn’t cry or scream. Wasn’t no tears left in me. Make an example out of me they say. I would get the noose. I was worth more dead than alive.

I could have lived without freedom if I had my children. My children gave me freedom in bondage. But they took every one of my children. I could hate the Massa and still live in bondage if I had my children. But with that noose around my neck I was strangled to a sort of freedom.

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I’ve Been Here Before: My Discovery of Past Lives

“Your past lives may hold many clues to help you navigate your future”

As a child I felt like I’d been here before. I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself. I’d say, “this is me; I am me”. I’d repeat this over and over until I felt almost dizzy and had to stop. I couldn’t believe that I was here, again. But in church I was taught that you live once and then you die. And you either go to heaven or hell for eternity. That always seemed so…boring

“Occasionally, I think of death. I can easily believe in the disintegration of the body, but cannot believe that all I have learned, experienced, accumulated can disappear and be wasted. Like a river, it must flow somewhere”

Anais Nin

I stopped doing that weird little exercise in the mirror and put the idea of past lives out of my head. I hadn’t given up on the idea. But life started coming at me fast and when life comes at you fast, you must brace yourself to live it, struggle through it and survive it.


And then my baby was born. When she was 4, she started saying things to me like, “You’re the best mom I’ve ever had”. “I’m so happy we are together again” (and here’s the kicker), “When they took me from you and put me on the wagon, I was so sad”. I was speechless.

“What cannot be said, will be wept”

Sappho

Was my baby telling me about her past lives? And the ones she had with me? This led me to researching everything I could on past lives, reincarnation and past life regression. I learned about soul contracts, past life lovers, ancestral assignments, the Akashic Records and how birth marks can be an indication of how one died in a past life. My mind was both blown and soothed at the same time.


I wasn’t as weird or crazy as I thought. In 2017, I connected with someone who could tell you about your past life/lives. When I tell you that past life reading was life changing, it’s an understatement. Oh, how this life made so much more sense to me after that reading. Turns out, I was a slave. Twice! In my second life as a slave, I tried to escape. I was betrayed. My children had been sold from me (hence my daughter’s memory of us being separated) and I lost the man I loved. I was an herbalist and healer. I died alone…broken…

“I see it all. I feel it all. My eyes fill with tears”

Virginia Woolf

This led me to learning about past life regression. This is a way in which your higher self can visit past lives. You can unlock people, places, events, and emotions of other lifetimes. It allows you to work through that karma, heal old wounds that you carry from life to life, and make some things right that went terribly wrong.


Oh, my heart swells at learning about my past lives. It’s given me so much insight into why I am the way I am. Lawd, I couldn’t understand why I hated white folks so much. It makes perfect sense now. Why I am an herbalist in this life, why my daughter was so clingy and why I have that oddly shaped birth mark on the left side of my forehead. I used to get teased about it as a child. They said it looked like a midget had slapped me lol (it’s shaped like a small hand). It all makes so much sense. Why I’ve searched for one particular man my whole life, looking for him in every man that came my way…pieces of a puzzle finally put together.


When I was a teenager I used to listen to the Quiet Storm every night on the radio. When I first heard Teena Marie’s song, Deja Vu I fell in love.  That too now makes perfect sense. She sang, “I’m young and I’m old. I’m rich and I’m poor. Feels like I’ve been on this earth many times before…I can feel this for sure, for sure. I’ve been here before” …

Have you been here before?