“And then I suddenly realized that I was not obligated to carry the suitcases that I didn’t pack and didn’t have my name on them”A. Nichole
For years I allowed people to dump their low-self-esteem, feelings of unworthiness, unhealed childhood traumas, failed relationship wounds and anything else they didn’t want to carry or deal with into my energetic and subconscious space. I absorbed and internalized many emotional patterns and feelings that belonged to others and claimed them as my own.
This left me confused, conflicted, and disconnected from the truth of who I was at the soul level. I wasn’t living the life I desired. There was an aching gap between the woman I was and the woman I desired to be. And I couldn’t seem to bridge the gap between the life I was living and the life I desperately desired to live.
And I began a quest to not only figure out why this disconnect, and gap existed, but I vowed to resolve it once and for all, because I was sick and tired of being sick and tired.
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit”Elizabeth Gilbert
I changed my lifestyle habits; I began running, lifting weights and then started my intermittent fasting journey. I took personal growth and development courses and read dozens of books on how to become the best version of myself. I experienced a level of self-love and personal success of which I was extremely proud.
But that disconnect and gap was still present.
I went back to the drawing board. What was I doing wrong? Were there still more shadows I needed to expose to the light? More demons to embrace? More unresolved trauma to process and transcend? Because I was willing to do whatever it takes to close the gap. I began delving even deeper into my inner world, psyche, and subconscious mind.
I became acutely aware of the unconscious programming I received in childhood. I was programmed and groomed to be the scapegoat, the obligated chosen one to carry the baggage of family members who were not strong enough to carry their own baggage.
I was also programmed to believe that others were more important than I was, and their overall wellbeing was more important than my own. This caused me to become a people pleaser and sacrifice what I wanted or needed for others. This was a recipe for disaster.
Uncovering these truths about my childhood programming was just the beginning. While reading the book, A Woman’s Guide to Conscious Love by Ann O’Brien I had a very significant breakthrough. Honestly, it was more of a paradigm shift that I am forever grateful for.
She said, “If you feel like you can’t shake certain emotions no matter what you do, you may be feeling things that aren’t yours.. you can never process what’s not yours.” I want to say that again,
“You can never process what’s not yours”Ann O’Brien
I was trying to process and transcend things that weren’t mine! No matter how much I fasted, prayed, ran, lifted, read, went to see energy healers, meditated, or did past life regression; I could never process the shame, insecurity, trauma, or fear that did not have my name on it.
The shame and feelings of unworthiness I was trying to process and transcend were not mine and that is why I remained stuck and stagnant. Bishes was killing my vibe lol!
I had to give my family members, so called friends, co-workers, and men what rightfully belonged to them and was never, ever mine.
I had allowed them to dump their shame, feelings of unworthiness, self-hatred, anger, fear, and insecurities onto me.
As long as you are unaware of it and allow it, people will dump on you, project their insecurities onto you, and form trauma bonds. If you are actively doing the inner work to be better, their baggage will not only hold you back but hold you down. You will go no further than the baggage you carry, and you will be perpetually frustrated if that baggage does not belong to you.
I can only process MY shame, MY feelings of unworthiness, MY unresolved childhood trauma, MY disappointments, MY fears, and MY insecurities. I can’t process anyone else’s! In this game of healing, its every man and woman for him or herself.
Now that I am aware of what I have allowed others to do, I create clear boundaries. No DUMPING! Because Bish you are not about to kill my vibe! And you shouldn’t allow others to kill yours either.