“Self-love will save your soul”r.h Sin
“Know thyself, accept thyself, love thyself, trust thyself, conquer and master thyself”Kathleen Richardson
Everyone talks about self-love. What it is and what it looks like; its words, actions, habits, and deeds. But so many struggle with both grasping the concept of self- love and manifesting self-love into a working reality. The reason is that self-love has been separated from the fundamental truisms of Self. Self-love is not a solitary practice. “Love yourself”, they say. They remind us that Self-love is the best love. But they never quite tell us how to love ourselves. What many fail to reveal is that there is no self-love without first having a solid foundation of self-awareness, self-knowledge, and self- acceptance. And they never tell us that there will be no evidence or manifestation of self-love if there isn’t self-trust or self-mastery to follow.
In our microwave, I want it now, take the shortcut, cheat code society, we want maximum results with minimum effort. We want the glory without a story. We want the reward without the risk. We want the prize without the sacrifice. We want the change without the impending crisis.
Self-love has been cherry picked and isolated as something we should all strive to achieve, but it is time to place it back in its proper context of the internal, very personal process that encompasses so much more than cute Instagram hashtags of self-care Sunday’s (although they are necessary and fun). A quote that comes to mind is, “It is the process that activates the promise”. You don’t wake up one day and start loving yourself. You don’t simply use affirmations to love yourself. You must do the work and begin the process.
It starts with knowing thyself. Who are you? At your soul level? What makes you uniquely you? You must search and unearth your deepest truth. You must shed the layers of social and familial conditioning and socialization to arrive at the naked truth of your essence. You must cut the draining and toxic energetic cords with family and friends, sorting through to determine what belongs to you and the bullshit that belongs to others that has been projected onto you. As A Nichole explains, “And then I suddenly realized that I was not obligated to carry the suitcases that I didn’t pack and didn’t have my name on them”. You must unbecome to simply be. You must Know thyself…
Then you must accept thyself. Be at peace with who you are. Accept that your desires are your desires, and they are valid. Accept the life you have been purposed to live. Be at peace with the karmic soul contracts and work you must engage in. Accept your ancestral assignment with grace. You must accept that you may be different from everyone else. You must be ok with the path chosen for you. You accept responsibility for the energy you emit and the frequency you operate in. You must get comfortable with your inherent truth. You accept all of who you are and release all of who you are not. The acceptance leads to being at peace with who you are. And then you rock that shit out.
Once you know who you are and accept who you are, you can begin to love yourself. How do you love something or someone you don’t know. How can you deeply appreciate someone by only seeing the surface. What does self-love look like? Honoring who you are in every moment. Forgiving yourself when you fail to honor yourself in the moment. Commitment to yourself. Establishing healthy boundaries. Taking care of your spirit and body. Self-love is nurturing the relationship between you, your inner child, and your higher self. Your confidence increases. You begin to show up in the world boldly and authentically. That quiet, subtle power begins to ripple through the world.
Then comes the fun part! You begin to trust yourself and your highest truth above all else. You learn to follow your intuition and trust the promptings of your heart. Your spiritual hearing is increased, and you no longer doubt that what you know, feel, and hear is accurate. You no longer need the validation of others. Every answer lies within, easily accessible, and always on point. Any confusion, doubt or fear is cast aside by the simple reminder that you got you. And you know that you got you because God and the ancestors got you. You begin to know on a soul level, that you cannot fail.
Lastly, there is self-mastery. As Don Miguel Ruiz states, “Mastery is a way of thinking, a way of acting and a journey you experience”. You conquer yourself. You fight and win a thousand battles within. You realize that your greatest trauma was a gift. That everyone who broke you, berated you, and betrayed you was being used to build you. You understand they were pawns being used to manifest God’s glory in your life. That realization means that those who hurt you, no longer have power over you. You realize the fears that haunted you were only illusions. And you wonder why you spent so many years running from the mirror that would have reflected your true beauty with a simple clearing away of life’s debris. You understand that rock bottom is the only way to know God, that sorrow and suffering were the greatest companions and teachers. Self-mastery breeds a type of gratitude only the most resilient have. As Marianne Williamson says, “Having loved and lost, I now love more passionately. Having won and lost, I now win more soberly. Having tasted the bitter, I now savor the sweet”. That is self-mastery and that is where transformation both begins and ends.
Self-love is knowing the path. Self-love experienced with self-knowledge, self -acceptance and then manifested as self-trust and self-mastery is walking the path to enlightenment.
If this article resonated with your spirit, I have written a book which goes into detail of the process to radical self-love The Black Girl’s Guide to Radical Self-Love