“When the dust settles and all that is left is the bones of who you have always been. Will you be brave enough to sing them to life”

Jessi Mendez

Many of you may not know, but I wrote a book of poems and self-published the book this summer. I’d like to share the introduction and 3 of my favorite poems with you from the book; “Welcome Home”, “C.J.C” and “Disruption”

Introduction

I’ve been writing poetry since I was 16. I never thought I would publish a book of my poems though. They weren’t for anyone but me… My 2019 was the world’s 2020. Everything fell apart. I lost one of my most valuable friendships, I lost my last living grandparent, I left a job after nearly a decade and lastly, I lost a nearly three- year relationship I was certain would lead to marriage and mo children. After all these losses in six short months, I was left standing alone. Everywhere I turned, there was nothing in sight. Just desolation and devastation. There was nothing left of the life I had been living. There was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, except Home. Home to my ancestors. Home to the place where I could sort through and pick up the pieces of my life. I went back to go forward. During that time, I completely removed myself from social media and eventually changed my phone number. This was during the NYS stay at home order, so I was really off the grid.

This collection of thirty poems is the manifestation of my sojourn back home. A sojourn is defined as a temporary stay. I’ll go back home one day for good. For now, I’ll visit often in my dreams and hold on to the memoires of my time there.

During my sojourn, I found more than I bargained for. The purpose of my sojourn was to heal, to tend to my wounds and to rest my weary spirit. I found pieces of myself that I had thought were long gone and would never be recovered. I developed an even greater intimate relationship with my spirit guides and guardian ancestors. I unearthed remnants of past lives and treasures of my unique, enigmatic being. I found grace, gratitude, and guidance.

My fatal flaw is that my eyes say “Welcome Home”

to tattered,

 worn,

broken,

 nomad men.

They travel from my eyes to my smile,

down to the curve of my breasts

and finally

to the vacant, warm comfort between my thighs

“Welcome home” …

Only, I am not home

I am respite on their journey

A safe place for the night

My eyes say “Welcome home” to men that only intend to visit.

When they leave, I tidy up my space with tears.

But my tears that should erase, “Welcome Home” from my eyes

is only a whore bath.

-Welcome Home

I’ve never been a fan of easy love from easy men.

The men who walked through life

 aimlessly

 not in search of anything or anyone.

The hardened men

The troubled souls

I ache for them.

I beckon them to let me in their world

The men who travel far and wide

across lifetimes, searching.

I saw his longing and could not walk away

I followed him

wanting to witness life through his eyes

feel every ache and want of his heart.

To hear the words, he has never spoken

To be the calm in his storm

Hardened men who give hard love

The love that empties you

Leaving you breathless

not knowing where you end, and he begins.

Give me that love

The love from a hard man.

Cause I can’t do a gotdam thing with love from an easy man.

-C.J.C

I didn’t send for you

You came for me

I was not looking for you

You were looking at me

I didn’t want love

I was in search of forever home in my heart

Clearing space

Throwing shit from my past away

You interrupted me

disrupted my life

took me away from my chores

Just to love you

I didn’t send for you

You didn’t tell me you were on your way

You showed up at my door

Hat in your hand

I did not ask you to sit for a spell

I did not offer you a cold drink

And I did not ask you to stay

So, tell me, why are you leaving?

-Disruption